On Being an Artist

"A true artist's work reflects his or her life + thoughts.  When a true artist is creating a
piece of art, there is nothing else on his or her mind; it is an escape from the real world."

— Kokil Sharma, Elite Daily

In college I majored in Fine Art.

I have two bachelor's degrees in Fine Art.

But for some reason I never thought of myself as "an artist".


I don't paint or draw, really.  So I never truly saw myself as an artist. I saw myself as creative, but somehow undeserving of the title, "artist".



.

.

.

.

.



At my senior portfolio review for graphic design, one of my reviewers commented on my portfolio as being that of a 'true artist'.  I think he was referring to the fact that the work in my book didn't necessarily aim to demonstrate my keen abilities to solve design problems, but rather it sought to express something in an artistic way.

He told me to find an artist rep.

I didn't think much of it then, yet I've thought about the interaction intermittently over the last 6 years.


.

.

.

.

.

Growing up I wanted to be an actress.

I dreamt this despite hating being put on the spot + despite my inability to remember lines, much less hone my delivery of them.  I think that in some ways I was drawn to the idea of acting because I thought that way I could be so many different people.

I could be a lawyer or a chef — I wouldn't have to pick one thing...



.

.

.

.

.



When I was a kid I remember learning about (I think it was) Thomas Edison.  I remember the teacher saying that he did so many different things before he invented the light bulb — he had so many different jobs and got to be so many things.

I remember thinking that was so cool...

In a way I think that planted a seed in my brain.  I've always been afraid of committing to paths in life because I felt it would close so many other doors of possibility — I longed to do everything.



.

.

.

.

.

.

In high school I threw myself in head first to all of the honors and AP classes, and was deeply involved in music and theatre — band, choir, marching band, color guard, drum major, orchestra, musicals, all of the plays, theatre historian, then theatre president — all of it.

But as college drew closer I got more nervous about committing to music... forever?

What about all the other things I wanted to do?

So I went to university undeclared.

Before the end of freshman year, I had settled on art.  I had always wanted to take art classes, and I had loved photography since I could hold a camera.

So I doubled in graphic design and photography, and earned 2 BFA's.



.

.

.

.

.

.



But a small part of me wished there had been a fashion design department at my school.  Or interior design.

So what did I do when I left school?

I worked in retail fashion merchandising for ~5 years.

Where I also acquired a love for business analytics.



.

.

.

.

.

.

When I was a kid my favorite game to play was 'store'.  We would set up a bunch of stuff in my grandma's spare room and then have the parents come through and 'shop'.

So in my heart I've always wanted to have a store or make things that people would want to buy for their home, etc.

And I've always loved vintage.

So....

I left fashion visual merchandising in favor of having my own vintage store.

In turn, my store is now allowing me to get to explore home decor in ways I didn't have time to before...

And now more and more, I am drawn to that interior element that I've been longing to hit.

In our current apartment I am constantly dreaming up design + in the future I'm hoping to employ some of that thinking outside our home.




.

.

.

.

.

.




Lately I've felt myself circling back through some of these elements.  I'm knee deep in interior dreams right now, falling back in love with graphic design slowly and in my own way, and keeping up my loves for vintage, fashion and photography.

Through all of this, I have been an avid collector of imagery.   Dating back to Xanga where I would collect 'icons', through DeviantArt, and the current fashion blogs and Instagram accounts.

Collecting and consuming imagery is life force for me.

It inspires me, and all I truly yearn to do everyday is create and produce visual imagery in effort to express emotion and creativity.



So I guess what I'm saying is,


Guys, I think I might be an artist.


I'm not sure that it's in the traditional sense, but it's the only thing that I can come up with to define my fluid life path. That I'm totally cool with, by the way.  I wouldn't change any of it. Because I wouldn't be who I am today without any part of it.  And lately for the first time in a long time I've been building up confidence in who I am today.  I'm getting to the point where I actually feel happy and proud to be who I am right now, instead of what I wish I could be or who I was 10 years ago.   I'm really, truly happy to be the me that I am today, typing this up at my computer with 7 tabs in the background, batching photos, scheduling blog posts, recording business analytics, painting 3-4 rooms in our house and simultaneously taking weekend trips sourcing art for said walls and actually making time to see my friends.  I truly feel balanced.   And it feels good.



.

.

.

.

.

.

My answer to the "what do you want to be when you grow up" question, since I've been about 18, has been quite simply,

"Happy."


And I've found that the thing that makes me happy more than anything else is creating content for this blog (read: making visual imagery).



.

.

.

.

.

.





Until Next Time,

— The Lovely Red Fox